this will haunt me until i become a ghost

by anthony p

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this isn't meant to be perfect.
recorded once with a phone.
features the bonus track "this will haunt me until i become a ghost"


released October 12, 2014



all rights reserved


anthony p Los Angeles, California

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Track Name: rose
coursing through my veins, it's making me sick
I'm taking all this in so I can get a fucking fix
and be how you want me to be.
to be who you want me to be.

when you're on the floor do you think of me?
or tremble everywhere at the though of that?
the hell you left me in.
my demons are starting to win.

on the day I left, I couldn't get it out of my head
how the city lights don't shine like you.

if you really want we can try again.
I'll kill myself to be a better man.
and be how you want me to be.
to be who you want me to be.
Track Name: lion
take me back to those days when I'd play around wrestling with my sister
instead of lying all day in my bed
and in my head making up lies I'm telling myself.
living in my own hell
I'm killing myself.
I'm sorry you have to hear this from me but it's the only way I've felt for years.

my eyes used to be so bright, but lately I can't even fake a smile.
walking through these halls I feel so alone.
am I at home?
it's what I want to believe.
it's what I want to see.
and maybe one day my eyes will shine again.

should I really feel this down?
am I talking to myself?
I don't know.
I'll try and try again.
try to be a better man.
I swear I'll try.
Track Name: I, alone
I guess I'll sit alone at night and question myself again
as if I'm going anywhere. I'm embracing all my sins.
I swear I've tried to change, but I'm going no where.
if this is my punishment, I guess that it's fair.
look at me and I'll smile back at you.
it may be fake but it's all I can do.
you're standing there with light in your eyes.
I hope that next time I don't make you cry.

bury me alive if it makes you happy
or you can sit there and take shots at me.
just like my father as he's counting his losses.
nothing like a son he assumed was a lost cause.

when I'm sitting by the river I finally feel at home.
I'll be my own friend I don't care if I'm alone
in my own head existing as a memory.
slowly fade away because this isn't meant for me.
Track Name: flesh
flesh is a prison.

the body has no worth.

watch as I fade.

I'll be okay, someday.